A Very American AX

July 2, 2011
Los Angeles, CA, US

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I work in south LA long before the sun dares show its face to the world. There's a harsh and crisp darkness every morning--the scent of the homeless and the hardened.

It never softens up--it only dials up in volume and color. That darkness does't give way to day--it merely mixes with the over white sunlight.

Then this happens:

I love Anime Expo.

There has been a better IRL Celty but this one gets points for dedication. never talks, barely moves, always txting.

Axis Powers: Hetalia gives people the ability dress Nazi-ish without any of that political career ending business.

The saving grace here is the elaborate costuming.

GO TEAM ROCKET!

If you haven't watched Afro Samurai, I urge you to take a heavy shot of JD and contemplate what you're doing with your life. Then go ahead and watch the ultra-violent, blaxploitation Gonzo anachronismfest that is Afro Samurai. Just remember that Samuel L. Jackson is very disappointed in you.

It was great seeing such an accurate Haru Hara but, seriously, that dude on the left. I love anime nerds. They are my people.

And, on occasion, they prove to be some serious BAMFs

You know... Nice try, at least.

Next, 6 hours of parkour, two family barbeques and beer pong. I love America!

-P




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Pigs in a Danish Quilt

June 29th, 2011
Los Angeles, CA

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Nothing special--just obsessed with pigs in a blanket lately. And thanks to Cooking with My Kid, I totally achieved this (link)! She calls em Snake Dogs, though. Something about a snake constricting around my food is attractive to me. You see, I'm eating a snake which is eating a pig which is actually made of cow.

TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN, BABY!

Basically, take whatever pastry/croissant dough is available and wrap it all up on that sausage. There's an immature joke to be had there. I'm just too cool to do it here.

In this instance, it was Hygge Bakery croissant dough wrapped around a Hebrew National. I less than 3 life right now.

-P

Breakfast Sandwich (Come at Me, Denny's!)

June 2011

Alhambra, CA, US

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A request from Alina Frowne (Link):

Admittedly, that video has almost nothing to do with what I'm going to assault you with today. I've been cooking this woman stacks of hotcakes and pounds of sausages for years now. She'll forgive me. Maybe.

Instead, we're changing the game with an egg, ham and provolone sandwich.

An admittedly "CURRENT LEVEL" Sandwich

"But, Paul," you might be muttering to yourself, "that sounds so much like Denny's 'Moon over My Hammy' business. You're unoriginal."

Well, you're right about that first part, Denny's does provide that service (Link). The problem is, however, the dang thing is unseemly as hell and salted to the nines. When one makes contact with the sandwich, grease spews forth--a confusing tsunami smothering the Daiichi reactor cooling generators on your tastebuds.

"Am I on a 19th century merchant schooner?," you ask yourself as the salted hard tack bread reminds you of maritime sea rations. "No... these yellow sponges are definitely egg-like and this 'cheese' seems like it is intended to mold over a 4 month sail to Indoostan." Then again, the nutritional contents seem like something to combat Marine starvation.

Credit: Coheso Personal Health Management Tools (Link)

Worry not: let us achieve this sandwich under the 6 dollar sticker price and the other unwanted baggage.


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Ovaries over My Thighs (working title)

1 Hygge Bakery Italian dough sandwich bread                      $1.00
2 eggs                                                                                  $0.75
1/4lb ham (the good stuff)                                                     $1.25
4 slices Provolone cheese (the "okay" stuff)                           $0.50
2tbsp salted butter                                                                $0.10
salt and pepper                                                                     really?
TOTAL:                                                                              $3.60

To be honest, I've got no clue about the nutritional content. I do, however, highly doubt that these add up to 180% DV cholesterol and over 100% DV sodium.

Cut the bread:

Mix the eggs:

Fry the magic:

INGREDIENTS: ASSEMBLE!

Mission: accomplished.

-P

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