Fire: Pretty

September 11, 2011
Henry Cowell Redwoods SP, CA

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Work's done with and we need to unwind. Comatose (link) and I head out to camp. And you know what camp means?

I am master of fire, bringer of death!

Awwww yeah.

S'mores are first, obviously.

Then dinner and booze!

Tony Roma's is there for you, man. He is.

Ribs, burned french rolls, Chinese hot and sour soup, summer sausage and Weidmer Hefeweizen in front of a 10 dollar grill bought at Walmart. We watch some Doctor Who under the stars and surrounded by the sound of wind and an oncoming rain. Honestly, camping is the highlight of my trip up north. Even though I burned the crap out of my toes by stubbing them on these ninja bastards:

Just because they protect you from mosquitoes doesn't mean they're your friend.

Ahh, then morning. Know what I love about mornings? making breakfast for a pretty girl.

Master of fire is bringer of breakfast

And do you know what breakfast has?

BACOOOOOOOOOOOON!

Oh sweet Jesus...

It's ok to drool. And it's gluten free!

Yeah. Camping's the shit.

-P

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Breakfast Sandwich (Come at Me, Denny's!)

June 2011

Alhambra, CA, US

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A request from Alina Frowne (Link):

Admittedly, that video has almost nothing to do with what I'm going to assault you with today. I've been cooking this woman stacks of hotcakes and pounds of sausages for years now. She'll forgive me. Maybe.

Instead, we're changing the game with an egg, ham and provolone sandwich.

An admittedly "CURRENT LEVEL" Sandwich

"But, Paul," you might be muttering to yourself, "that sounds so much like Denny's 'Moon over My Hammy' business. You're unoriginal."

Well, you're right about that first part, Denny's does provide that service (Link). The problem is, however, the dang thing is unseemly as hell and salted to the nines. When one makes contact with the sandwich, grease spews forth--a confusing tsunami smothering the Daiichi reactor cooling generators on your tastebuds.

"Am I on a 19th century merchant schooner?," you ask yourself as the salted hard tack bread reminds you of maritime sea rations. "No... these yellow sponges are definitely egg-like and this 'cheese' seems like it is intended to mold over a 4 month sail to Indoostan." Then again, the nutritional contents seem like something to combat Marine starvation.

Credit: Coheso Personal Health Management Tools (Link)

Worry not: let us achieve this sandwich under the 6 dollar sticker price and the other unwanted baggage.


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Ovaries over My Thighs (working title)

1 Hygge Bakery Italian dough sandwich bread                      $1.00
2 eggs                                                                                  $0.75
1/4lb ham (the good stuff)                                                     $1.25
4 slices Provolone cheese (the "okay" stuff)                           $0.50
2tbsp salted butter                                                                $0.10
salt and pepper                                                                     really?
TOTAL:                                                                              $3.60

To be honest, I've got no clue about the nutritional content. I do, however, highly doubt that these add up to 180% DV cholesterol and over 100% DV sodium.

Cut the bread:

Mix the eggs:

Fry the magic:

INGREDIENTS: ASSEMBLE!

Mission: accomplished.

-P

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